Helio

by Ardie Collins

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1.
03:03
I’ve got a message, I’ve got a message I could send In glyphs and graphemes that spell a howl without an end But there’s a silence and it’s grasping at a throat I’d count my blessings, but we both know that I won’t pretend that it’s a breeze to be my friend Just please know that in my soul I value all your valiant attempts So put your shame back to wherever it came from And sate your hunger, that hunger to belong There’s something tragic, to be a fraud in your own tongue I’d call it hiraeth, if my gut knew what that was to be as sure as mercury Just help me leave this handshake room through sleight or force or trick or alchemy Did words breathe sense into our world, or was it the other way around?
2.
04:23
It’s one whole day since I last met you It’s five whole years since I first loved you I’m half as twee as I first sold You said you can’t wait to grow old Spinning through the supermarket doors You treat each thought just like a newborn That’s ushered in to somewhere warm And while debating with the rafters Through doubled-over, boozy laughter You were told to keep an eye on me Slowly, oh so very slowly I Slip into a simile, like clinging to a stalactite You inspire us still, though You emerged from sea foam And if I just composed myself then maybe I could turn into a song I wish that I could ease your buzzing head I wish that I meant everything I said Let’s meet and start a new religion Let’s meet behind the television Let’s meet the day that we turn fifty-five Frozen lungs with nothing left Curled up like a treble clef A cloudless night, a cruel September With Venus winking like an ember You were dumbstruck, I was half-alive Slowly, oh so very slowly I Slip into a simile, like clinging to a stalactite You inspire us still, though You emerged from sea foam And if I just composed myself then maybe I could turn into a song It’s one whole day since I last met you It’s five whole years since I first loved you I’m half as twee as I first sold You said you can’t wait to grow old Spinning through the supermarket doors
3.
03:18
Surely they’ve all seen the light, ‘cause this has been a journey that the gods might write in their crypts and coves And maybe, as the story goes, the bonds, once formed, can only grow and grow, farewell to the great unknown And I could settle a score like I promised before but what a waste of your time And I could settle a score like I promised before if I had half a mind And I could settle a score like I promised before but I’m booked to July And I could settle a score like I promised before once I find the right time We might wish it on an enemy to be running out of options that are silhouettes and are fading fast But all of us are gathered here to feel the chill, to feel the fear of how indecision ends in disaster And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except my need to be right And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except that doesn’t sound right And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except for all that I own And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except my little home Listen to your own advice, the loaded play with loaded dice When meeting with a friend of mine, more a friend of a friend if you like They said, “this is earth, and it’s yours, don’t mess this up.” “Yeah this is earth and it’s yours, don’t blow it up” It grounded me to find the letter fourteen pages into chapter nine It said “I just want to be loved and if that’s too much I just want to be liked And if that’s too much I just want to know how someday I might And if that’s too much I want you to know that I understand why And if that’s too much I just want a room that’s quiet and bright And if that’s too much I just want a route I can find my way round And if that’s too much I just want a road I can make my way down And if that’s too much I just want to hear that perfuntory sound And if that’s too much I just want to know I’ll return to the ground.”
4.
04:47
For once, they asked that someone got the best of you They wanted me to bring you down a peg or two And I did their bidding and then I lost you Now we swap places like the sun and moon Sun and moon There’s not a day goes by that I don’t wish that we’d just had a proper fight Then you’d be the hypotenuse and I could be the one to make things right And you know that I just might Pardon me, pardon me and every part of me Let’s go miss an opportunity, and feel like a stifled sneeze And soon you’ll be reminded of that blood red moon That turned those walls into a blood red room Blood red room There’s not a day goes by that I don’t wish that we’d just had a proper fight Then you’d be the hypotenuse and I could be the one to make things right And you know that I just might And all at once it hit me and then it came back for more Much as it’s all indelible, we should still be keeping score Your answer is to beat your chest while whipping up a crowd But we are not the light brigade and history is loud And I’d offer up a proverb but it won’t get you that far Are you the cat that got the cream or the dog that caught the car? And despite your gallows humour I see drops form in your eyes If there ever was a time it’s now - we’ve got to unionise My condolences my darling my trisyllabic friend There is violence in the boardrooms there’s a seascape in your head They say “make the sort of music that you would listen to” But I am growing too impatient and so this’ll have to do And there’s a coward with a brainwave which means churning up the ground I can meet you at your deathbed if I move some stuff around The smoke grows from the rooftops and it blends into the haar If there’s one thing that I ask of you, don’t put your faith in Mars
5.
04:03
All yours, if you want it Build it and they will come All this beauty bought with a loaded gun Nightmares in the daytime Take your whiskey in the afternoon Anyone would think your conscience has left the room They’ll creep in, if we let them They’ll creep in, even if we don’t Meet back here when Jupiter is low Well look at me, a symphony of gripes Look at us, so grown up and polite I can vouch that everyone was on your side Since we’re picking sides Your brother was a dreamer You’d channel him now if you could Been looking at the tea leaves, it’s not good There’s a sickness in the gossip Harking to those hateful times We’ve been through this, a lot of people died Well look at me, a symphony of gripes Look at us, so grown up and polite I can vouch that everyone was on your side Since we’re picking sides Distant conversations Are leaking through the threadbare walls Like a guest who lingers grateful in the hall They’ll creep in, if we let them They’ll creep in, even if we don’t Meet back here when Jupiter is low Well look at me, a symphony of gripes Look at us, so grown up and polite I can vouch that everyone was on your side Since we’re picking sides
6.
03:52
It’s no use, it’s no use at all To try your level best while you are facing the wall It must have a year ago, if not more Since we last worked out how long since the time before I don’t mean to be a bloody nuisance I don’t mean to jostle endlessly I know you’d let me outstay my welcome You’ve no idea how much that means to me So be nice when your mother calls And watch out for your mouth it’s betrayed you before When will we learn the lessons of the assembly hall? Between naivety and cynicism we skipped them all You needn’t be enslaved by your instincts You needn’t pay attention to me I told myself that I was just a person It felt like such a pyrrhic victory No we are not what we lack Just like this Cassinian gap That pulls a past still further back While we’re lurching, we’re reaching out I think of home from time to time But I fear each thought grows the divide And I fear each fear is only mine Here’s to the human mind But there’s a danger lurking yet To sense a danger never there That any dreams that haven’t left Are lined up and filing out How philanthropic, how sublime How I’m part of how you spend your time And Saturn dressed up to the nines Just to find a spot in the sky
7.
03:55
Settle down now, there’s a bright idea, and it’s only going to get more absurd Maybe see you at the equinox, we’ll make sure that our jokes are overheard And you called us in to listen close and no one really took you at your word Buy the morning, buy the afternoon, buy everything you see that’s not nailed down I’m assuming that you’re out of luck, why else would you be sat here with us now? I can feel it in my throat another lie about a made up town And someday we can all mythologise How we were there to draw the battle lines And in advance of that I apologise For it all For it all Quite a stumble, made you act your age, and it came and went just like a thunderbolt Musn’t grumble, mustn’t cause a fuss, too afraid that I might stand and turn to salt And I know that I should know that and I know that that is not your fault Please be here, no one’s watching us, this evening’s not a narrative device Causing trouble is your oxygen, I just wish that it was focussed and precise And if Uranus could see us now he’d marvel at our child-like minds And someday we can all mythologise How we were there to draw the battle lines And in advance of that I apologise For it all For it all Do you remember when the sky caved in and everyone was told to stay in bed And through the rumble of a splitting world I remembered everything I never said And everyone was bracing for it everyone was left for dead And someday we can all mythologise How we were there to draw the battle lines And in advance of that I apologise For it all For it all
8.
03:40
Oh, Neptune, I’m worn out and feeling spare Oh, Mother, I promise that I’ll get there A little groan and I lift my body up another time Let it creak and stretch and settle and align The radio fills the room with awful words Oh, Neptune, you tried to hide A quiet yearn for the simple life But you can’t change an orbit and expect to stay disguised And you can’t build a bridge without the other side You had bought a life that I was renting I would ask you to tell that story one more time But I know it makes you sigh and then resign To be the bore you never dreamt you’d be To be the one who longs to return to the sea Oh, Neptune, I am sad to see you leave

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released December 19, 2018

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Ardie Collins Cardiff, UK

I'm a songwriter from Cardiff, Wales.

In 2011 I released a song a day. In 2014 I released a song a week. I haven't been up to much since.

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