Helio

by Ardie Collins

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1.
03:03
2.
04:23
3.
03:18
4.
04:47
5.
04:03
6.
03:52
7.
03:55
8.
03:40

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released December 19, 2018

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Ardie Collins Cardiff, UK

I'm some kind of a songwriter from Cardiff.

In 2011 I released a song a day. In 2014 I released a song a week. I haven't been up to much since.

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Track Name: Mercury
I’ve got a message, I’ve got a message I could send
In glyphs and graphemes that spell a howl without an end
But there’s a silence and it’s grasping at a throat
I’d count my blessings, but we both know that I won’t
pretend that it’s a breeze to be my friend
Just please know that in my soul I value all your valiant attempts

So put your shame back to wherever it came from
And sate your hunger, that hunger to belong
There’s something tragic, to be a fraud in your own tongue
I’d call it hiraeth, if my gut knew what that was
to be as sure as mercury
Just help me leave this handshake room through sleight or force or trick or alchemy

Did words breathe sense into our world,
or was it the other way around?
Track Name: Venus
It’s one whole day since I last met you
It’s five whole years since I first loved you
I’m half as twee as I first sold
You said you can’t wait to grow old
Spinning through the supermarket doors

You treat each thought just like a newborn
That’s ushered in to somewhere warm
And while debating with the rafters
Through doubled-over, boozy laughter
You were told to keep an eye on me

Slowly, oh so very slowly I
Slip into a simile, like clinging to a stalactite
You inspire us still, though
You emerged from sea foam
And if I just composed myself then maybe I could turn into a song

I wish that I could ease your buzzing head
I wish that I meant everything I said
Let’s meet and start a new religion
Let’s meet behind the television
Let’s meet the day that we turn fifty-five

Frozen lungs with nothing left
Curled up like a treble clef
A cloudless night, a cruel September
With Venus winking like an ember
You were dumbstruck, I was half-alive

Slowly, oh so very slowly I
Slip into a simile, like clinging to a stalactite
You inspire us still, though
You emerged from sea foam
And if I just composed myself then maybe I could turn into a song

It’s one whole day since I last met you
It’s five whole years since I first loved you
I’m half as twee as I first sold
You said you can’t wait to grow old
Spinning through the supermarket doors
Track Name: Earth
Surely they’ve all seen the light, ‘cause this has been a journey that the gods might write in their crypts and coves
And maybe, as the story goes, the bonds, once formed, can only grow and grow, farewell to the great unknown

And I could settle a score like I promised before but what a waste of your time
And I could settle a score like I promised before if I had half a mind
And I could settle a score like I promised before but I’m booked to July
And I could settle a score like I promised before once I find the right time

We might wish it on an enemy to be running out of options that are silhouettes and are fading fast
But all of us are gathered here to feel the chill, to feel the fear of how indecision ends in disaster

And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except my need to be right
And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except that doesn’t sound right
And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except for all that I own
And even if I lose I’ve got nothing to lose except my little home

Listen to your own advice, the loaded play with loaded dice
When meeting with a friend of mine, more a friend of a friend if you like
They said, “this is earth, and it’s yours, don’t mess this up.”
“Yeah this is earth and it’s yours, don’t blow it up”
It grounded me to find the letter fourteen pages into chapter nine

It said
“I just want to be loved and if that’s too much I just want to be liked
And if that’s too much I just want to know how someday I might
And if that’s too much I want you to know that I understand why
And if that’s too much I just want a room that’s quiet and bright
And if that’s too much I just want a route I can find my way round
And if that’s too much I just want a road I can make my way down
And if that’s too much I just want to hear that perfuntory sound
And if that’s too much I just want to know I’ll return to the ground.”
Track Name: Mars
For once, they asked that someone got the best of you
They wanted me to bring you down a peg or two
And I did their bidding and then I lost you
Now we swap places like the sun and moon
Sun and moon

There’s not a day goes by that I don’t wish that we’d just had a proper fight
Then you’d be the hypotenuse and I could be the one to make things right
And you know that I just might

Pardon me, pardon me and every part of me
Let’s go miss an opportunity, and feel like a stifled sneeze
And soon you’ll be reminded of that blood red moon
That turned those walls into a blood red room
Blood red room

There’s not a day goes by that I don’t wish that we’d just had a proper fight
Then you’d be the hypotenuse and I could be the one to make things right
And you know that I just might

And all at once it hit me and then it came back for more
Much as it’s all indelible, we should still be keeping score
Your answer is to beat your chest while whipping up a crowd
But we are not the light brigade and history is loud
And I’d offer up a proverb but it won’t get you that far
Are you the cat that got the cream or the dog that caught the car?
And despite your gallows humour I see drops form in your eyes
If there ever was a time it’s now - we’ve got to unionise
My condolences my darling my trisyllabic friend
There is violence in the boardrooms there’s a seascape in your head
They say “make the sort of music that you would listen to”
But I am growing too impatient and so this’ll have to do
And there’s a coward with a brainwave which means churning up the ground
I can meet you at your deathbed if I move some stuff around
The smoke grows from the rooftops and it blends into the haar
If there’s one thing that I ask of you, don’t put your faith in Mars
Track Name: Jupiter
All yours, if you want it
Build it and they will come
All this beauty bought with a loaded gun

Nightmares in the daytime
Take your whiskey in the afternoon
Anyone would think your conscience has left the room

They’ll creep in, if we let them
They’ll creep in, even if we don’t
Meet back here when Jupiter is low

Well look at me, a symphony of gripes
Look at us, so grown up and polite
I can vouch that everyone was on your side
Since we’re picking sides

Your brother was a dreamer
You’d channel him now if you could
Been looking at the tea leaves, it’s not good

There’s a sickness in the gossip
Harking to those hateful times
We’ve been through this, a lot of people died

Well look at me, a symphony of gripes
Look at us, so grown up and polite
I can vouch that everyone was on your side
Since we’re picking sides

Distant conversations
Are leaking through the threadbare walls
Like a guest who lingers grateful in the hall

They’ll creep in, if we let them
They’ll creep in, even if we don’t
Meet back here when Jupiter is low

Well look at me, a symphony of gripes
Look at us, so grown up and polite
I can vouch that everyone was on your side
Since we’re picking sides
Track Name: Saturn
It’s no use, it’s no use at all
To try your level best while you are facing the wall
It must have a year ago, if not more
Since we last worked out how long since the time before

I don’t mean to be a bloody nuisance
I don’t mean to jostle endlessly
I know you’d let me outstay my welcome
You’ve no idea how much that means to me

So be nice when your mother calls
And watch out for your mouth it’s betrayed you before
When will we learn the lessons of the assembly hall?
Between naivety and cynicism we skipped them all

You needn’t be enslaved by your instincts
You needn’t pay attention to me
I told myself that I was just a person
It felt like such a pyrrhic victory

No we are not what we lack
Just like this Cassinian gap
That pulls a past still further back
While we’re lurching, we’re reaching out
I think of home from time to time
But I fear each thought grows the divide
And I fear each fear is only mine
Here’s to the human mind
But there’s a danger lurking yet
To sense a danger never there
That any dreams that haven’t left
Are lined up and filing out
How philanthropic, how sublime
How I’m part of how you spend your time
And Saturn dressed up to the nines
Just to find a spot in the sky
Track Name: Uranus
Settle down now, there’s a bright idea, and it’s only going to get more absurd
Maybe see you at the equinox, we’ll make sure that our jokes are overheard
And you called us in to listen close and no one really took you at your word

Buy the morning, buy the afternoon, buy everything you see that’s not nailed down
I’m assuming that you’re out of luck, why else would you be sat here with us now?
I can feel it in my throat another lie about a made up town

And someday we can all mythologise
How we were there to draw the battle lines
And in advance of that I apologise
For it all
For it all

Quite a stumble, made you act your age, and it came and went just like a thunderbolt
Musn’t grumble, mustn’t cause a fuss, too afraid that I might stand and turn to salt
And I know that I should know that and I know that that is not your fault

Please be here, no one’s watching us, this evening’s not a narrative device
Causing trouble is your oxygen, I just wish that it was focussed and precise
And if Uranus could see us now he’d marvel at our child-like minds

And someday we can all mythologise
How we were there to draw the battle lines
And in advance of that I apologise
For it all
For it all

Do you remember when the sky caved in and everyone was told to stay in bed
And through the rumble of a splitting world I remembered everything I never said
And everyone was bracing for it everyone was left for dead

And someday we can all mythologise
How we were there to draw the battle lines
And in advance of that I apologise
For it all
For it all
Track Name: Neptune
Oh, Neptune, I’m worn out and feeling spare
Oh, Mother, I promise that I’ll get there
A little groan and I lift my body up another time
Let it creak and stretch and settle and align
The radio fills the room with awful words

Oh, Neptune, you tried to hide
A quiet yearn for the simple life
But you can’t change an orbit and expect to stay disguised
And you can’t build a bridge without the other side
You had bought a life that I was renting

I would ask you to tell that story one more time
But I know it makes you sigh and then resign
To be the bore you never dreamt you’d be
To be the one who longs to return to the sea
Oh, Neptune, I am sad to see you leave