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Blwyddyn

by Ardie Collins

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looseyleftie
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looseyleftie I'm so delighted Ardie is still making such memorable and poignant songs and these are corkers! Favorite track: February.
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1.
January 02:46
Scorn yourself for boredom in this age Find yourself a look for looking sage And watch as the town splits into districts into streets then into souls then into rage Nothing is as hopeless as it seems Build yourself a tunnel in your dreams And once you are clear of all the hubbub won’t you please come back and tell us what it means There’s so many places, it could strain your mind But you can occupy them all at the same time Like when you were in my house While you were in my heart And your name was in my mouth We used to wonder what everything means As if the world's a Rube Goldberg machine But we'll seek comfort in the chaos and resist the urge to make this about me Go wake up your hibernating joy Pretend the recent months have been a ploy I've not felt this amount of promise in a frozen evening since I was a boy There’s so many places, it could strain your mind But you can occupy them all at the same time Like when you were in my thoughts While you were down the road And your ghost was at the door Half of what we wanted was enough And to tell it all apart from cupboard love My only hope is that your hope returns as January rests its eyes on us There’s so many places, it could strain your mind But you can occupy them all at the same time Like when you were in my house While you were in my heart And your name was in my mouth
2.
February 03:24
First across the threshold and then across the room In this one of you and one of me life Are we staring at the pavement or howling at the moon In this some of you and some of me life? And you were looking forward just as I was looking grim In this half of you and half of me life Show me one more morning and I'll show you one more grin In this all of you and all of me life And we try to find the splendour in the ordinary So hats off if you made it through to February I try to keep my focus but then my canary Should've warned me There was something that was lurking in this mine I dreamt I tried to raise my voice up but that it was paper thin And the dread was real and the dread was mine Somewhere I am walking and the calm is setting in Like the sun that droops below the skyline What a winning combination to be righteous and thin-skinned And heaven knows and Hades knows why So I cling on like a leap year so the ending can't begin And work out how to spend all of that saved time And we try to find the splendour in the ordinary So hats off if you made it through to February And a voice that I remember as an adversary Says Am I right? Am I enough? Am I alive? First across the threshold and then across the room In this one of you and one of me life Are we staring at the pavement or howling at the moon In this some of you and some of me life? And you were looking forward just as I was looking grim In this half of you and half of me life Show me one more morning and I'll show you one more grin In this all of you and all of me life
3.
March 02:50
Let's all contemplate so pensively I can do aloof and solitary Pretending I like my own company If you believe that You made a call almost ten years ago Maybe it's time that you forgive yourself Maybe it's best that no one ever know How much it eats you up You always talked about what you don't want And never what the other option was And quelle surprise you've wound up living low And always looking back Before this call I had another name Before it ends please sing that old refrain How March arrives just like a speeding train Without being asked You had a way of making everybody listen in You had a satchel with a clasp to put your bible in I know the past is damaged and perhaps beyond repair But I will meet you there I will meet you there And I would hate for things to culminate Into a state where we just ruminate Trading glances at the going rate Unless you want that My greatest fear was being risible So the story grew more mythical 'til I became a hypothetical If you believe that Now and then it's nice to criticize Just to cut somebody down to size And then a second later realise All the ways you lack Credit where credit's due we can't complain We can chalk it up to growing pains And March arrives just like a speeding train Without being asked You had a way of making everybody listen in You had a satchel with a clasp to put your bible in I know the past is damaged and perhaps beyond repair But I will meet you there I will meet you there
4.
April 03:22
I want to know your history I want to know your kin Make for the safety matches Make for the easy win There go the prim and proper There go the “how it’s done” And hope is misgiving’s daughter And me I am April’s son How d’you know they won’t be howling slander? ‘Cause they might, ‘cause they might How d’you know I won’t revert to type again? ‘Cause I might, ‘cause I might We’ll call the whole thing misguided elation If you like, if you like Or I’ll find all of my flaws and then replace them If you like, if you like, if you like All that you need is momentum To be like a tributary To sidestep the diktats and edicts Telling you how to be Bearing the load of a lintel The words left their marks on your skin You kept your eye on the front door While I worked out where to begin How d’you know they won’t be howling slander ‘Cause they might, ‘cause they might How d’you know I won’t revert to type again ‘Cause I might, ‘cause I might We’ll call the whole thing misguided elation If you like, if you like Or I’ll find all of my flaws and then replace them If you like, if you like, if you like There go the prim and proper There go the “how it’s done” And hope is misgiving’s daughter And me I am April’s son
5.
May 03:31
The week’s been stripped for parts and the day is dust I’m a walking contradiction with a lack of trust You had a dream about an orchard Where the only thing that grew in there was us Half out of stubbornness and half out of heart You were striving for a time when we could all be told apart And you were going nowhere When nowhere was exactly where to start So how d’you cope with that? Well, it’s not well, not well And it’s something of a habit The sinking feeling swells But oh well, oh well It’s easier to have it The spring bled into summer this year faster still The sun suspended in the evening just to tame the chill If May was anything to go by We’re still hoping someone else will foot the bill I don’t plan on mixing concepts like an alchemist Or logging every interaction like an archivist And while I’m here making excuses I never thought I’d be like this So how d’you cope with that? Well, it’s not well, not well And it’s something of a habit The sinking feeling swells But oh well, oh well It’s easier to have it Half out of stubbornness and half out of heart You were striving for a time when we could all be told apart And you were going nowhere When nowhere was exactly where to start So how d’you cope with that? Well, it’s not well, not well And it’s something of a habit The sinking feeling swells But oh well, oh well It’s easier to have it So how d’you cope with that? Well, not well, not well And it’s something of a habit of mine The sinking feeling swells But oh well, oh well It’s easier to have it sometimes So how d’you cope with that? Well, it’s not well, not well And it’s something of a habit by now The sinking feeling swells But oh well, oh well It’s easier to have it for now
6.
June 02:53
Why does it always start with something someone hid? A tale as old as the Arietids I am the mantra that you tell yourself I am the dust that gathers on your shelves And I know the Temple of Juno was razed But the thought of what’s buried remains And it’s worse in the night And I, I worry for everyone’s sake And I worry that that’s a mistake When I know that every day’s a letting go Curated trinkets on the windowsill Capture a moment like a movie still I am the hope that just wouldn’t take I am the lie that you tried to shake And I know the Temple of Juno was razed But the thought of what’s buried remains And it’s worse in the night And I, I worry for everyone’s sake And I worry that that’s a mistake When I know that every day’s a letting go But is it more or less real when it’s In your mind? In your mind? Enthusing when we might meet next June is fine June is fine
7.
July 02:45
Poor old soul Hardly slept a wink Now it’s all quotes and maxims Barely makes you think And all of the ghosts are making the most of the way you measure out your worth And sometimes the truth is jagged and ruthless, but sometimes it's even worse And the names are all fading now And I'm freaking, I'm freaking out Save yourself ‘Cause I’m a parasite Don’t know what I want Don’t know what I like And all of your breath and all of your strength well it’s enough to make you sigh Don’t know if it’s true but they’re saying the brook has run dry since mid-July And their faces are fading now And I'm freaking, I'm freaking out And all of your ghosts are making the most of the way you measure out your worth And sometimes the truth is jagged and ruthless, but sometimes it's even worse And their voices are fading now And I'm freaking, I'm freaking out Alla i ddim meddwl, alla i ddim trio Alla i ddim cofio unrhyw beth
8.
August 02:36
Caught gawping at the monolith You always were a realist So you’re hiring an apologist For everything you’ve done Thought I was at the finish line I’m begging for some peace of mind A little something anodyne I won’t bother anyone The back and forth and then the back again It really starts to make the decades blend You feel the presence of a distant friend Just like the blazing sun Another day another real blow My reflection’s on the wane, you know I caught it in a shop window Thought it could be anyone This life was never mine It belongs to the hills and the pines And deepest time Maybe you get used to it The way that memories can dart and flit And then rebuilding again bit by bit Surrounded by a glow So many horrors that you couldn’t choose Lost the whole week to the rolling news There’s just something that you can’t refuse About an all-time low And I’m getting way too old for this I think I need a year to decompress Or a touch of sleep paralysis Yeah, you just never know And there’s faces at the broken fence And they’re smirking in their innocence And they never ask for recompense For how August comes then goes This life was never mine It belongs to the coves and the tides And deepest time My heart is hardly in the mood And it’s tired of all the platitudes But I can feign some gratitude Along with everyone I was getting overconfident I guess that there’s a first for everything But can’t you tell my scruples come from Weariness and love? A little scrutiny was overdue I never thought that you would see it through How you tore up every rule and law and code You could think of But you were caught out by the zero-sum Of a contradictory utterance Like the way “the minimum” Is also “not enough” This life was never mine It belongs to the hills and the pines And to deepest time
9.
September 03:11
Why stop when you’re leagues ahead and there’s no one at your back? Or is there more to it than that? Maybe we’ve all been losing track I wouldn’t guess, I wouldn’t try, I wouldn’t know I couldn’t watch the baying crowd, I couldn’t go And now you’re going to stay Even though that is a paradox to say Just like the equinox You’re here and miles away And I mumble in vain Even though we know that countless feel the same Please don’t wake me Please don’t make me Do another day Remember the forget-me-nots in the dugout by the field? You held the summer still With September on your heels I wouldn’t linger on the voices on the phone They always said he’ll never make it on his own And now you’re going to stay Even though that is a paradox to say Just like the equinox You’re here and miles away And I mumble in vain Even though we know that countless feel the same Please don’t wake me Please don’t make me Do another day That sinking feeling kicked in three steps from the house But you get used to it with time Chest out, chin up; as if there was any doubt Calm as you like Calm as you like And now you’re going to stay Even though that is a paradox to say Just like the equinox You’re here and miles away And I mumble in vain Even though we know that countless feel the same Please don’t wake me Please don’t make me Do another day
10.
October 02:40
So what was the question? I do that a lot now Call it a prelude Call it a letting down I know that candour comes with time A singular focus Just as the leaves turn Green into amber Amber to deepest bronze They won’t, no they won’t change their minds And the rot First it takes Then it gives Then you grasp Then you thrive You’ve not seen the sky glint It’s not been the same since Not since October Not since the northern lights That gleam, that iridescent sight Who cares if you dreamt it? Show us the difference Synapses blooming Spreading beneath your skull No need to open up your eyes And the rot First it takes Then it gives Then you grasp Then you thrive And even if they all debate on what is in your heart You can show yourself that every day And I can do etcetera and so forth and so on And hoping that my mouth knows what to say There's no use in waiting Won’t let the grass grow I can hear voices Quiet then swiftly loud They sing a chorus of ymlaen A singular focus Just as the leaves turn Green into amber Amber to deepest bronze They won’t, no they won’t change their minds And the rot First it takes Then it gives And it stays And it holds Then it spreads And you watch And you wait Then you sprout Then you stretch Then you reach Then you grasp Then you thrive
11.
November 02:49
There’s a calm you used to know When November’s fog was hanging low What if asteroids above us glow? A distant sonic boom Moments come and moments go Make the slow ones last and the fast ones slow And I won’t ever want for naught Just music in a room An old friend said “There’s mercy in your head” And butter wouldn’t melt It’s true And even though You couldn’t leave things well alone I wouldn’t blame yourself Or anybody else There’s a harmful thought you used to have That your mind was shot and your heart was bad And all the kids might point and laugh But what else can you do? So you know, it isn’t right And it’s older than the Dolomites I might find my way by lamp post light If it's all the same to you An old friend said “There’s mercy in your head” And butter wouldn’t melt It’s true And even though You couldn’t leave things well alone I wouldn’t blame yourself Or everybody else What a joy, oh what a thing The way the foghorns by the old docks sing Who knows what the aeons bring But they will be here soon There’s a calm you used to know When November’s fog was hanging low What if asteroids above us glow? A distant sonic boom
12.
December 03:15
Just when you thought that you had sussed it You couldn’t trust the mind you’d built yourself But how could anybody blame you? You were under late-December’s spell The cutting barbs can be alarming Or was it charming? I could never tell Be wary of the world that made you It will forsake you to save itself The rogues in chorus crave your misery And how they howl it all by heart And make things out to be unreachable And so you reach into the dark Perhaps the half moon was a warning Perhaps there’s menace in the setting sun Perhaps we shouldn’t live by omens As if there’s nothing to be done Forgive the hyperbolic notion You are the Earth’s prodigal son And we’ll pretend that we can know you As if you can know anyone The rogues in chorus crave your misery And how they howl it all by heart And make things out to be unreachable And so you reach into the dark I was a relic in a front room I was a goner, I was worn and spent I thought the mulling should be over Without knowing what that meant There is a blind spot in your vision There is an ocean round your bed Matters past, matters unfolding They always find you in the end

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released January 20, 2024

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Ardie Collins Cardiff, UK

I'm a songwriter from Cardiff, Wales.

In 2011 I released a song a day. In 2014 I released a song a week. I haven't been up to much since.

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